致我亲爱的朋友

知道了你面对的问题，难过得眼泪在眼眶中打滚。。。。我想对你说：
爱情是生命中的一部分， 但不是全部。
生活有了爱情的滋润， 固然是好事; 但是，缺少了其中一方的呵护，爱情就会像花朵一样， 慢慢的调谢。
别因为他的不负责任，而伤害你自己。
我知道你很希望有人可以保护你，但如果他不再愿意保护你， 你就必须保护你自己。如果他不再打算陪你继续走下去，那你应该更勇敢地一个人往前迈进。别怕把他抛在后头，因为他不值得你留下来等他。
就算如此，你可别失去对生命的热爱， 你还有我们， 还有永远都支持你的家人。
让我们一块儿祈祷，祝福你能解决这个爱情难关。
Always remember, trust no one, but yourself....YES, its yourself !!!

生日

好期待哦！ 生日快到了。 第一次和喜欢的人一起过， 还可以到金马伦度假。适逢生日是星期六，我的“姐妹们”也一起到金马伦玩，一定会有一个很快乐的周末。祈求这一天快快到来。。。。。希望这几天可以保持好心情，来迎接这个周末。

EQ?? IQ??

Doctors are respected (i guess so) because they are categorized as professionals with high IQ.......how about EQ???
No doubt that Malaysian doctors face tonnes of stress esp when they need to oncall and work non-stop for 34 hours. I guess no other profession can ever imagine receiving calls continuously while you are actually resuscitating a dying patient, hearing agony cries from patient's family members and at the same time, you have another patient waiting for u to see in other ward.........this is the time that we lost our EQ........

One true story happened 2 days ago........
Venue: a male ward in a government hosp
time: 10am
scenario: a patient with the diagnosis of upper gastrointestinal bleed secondary to bleeding varices (dilated, tortuous blood vessels) was apparently well and stable in ward for 3 days, suddenly vomitted a large amount of fresh blood and became drowsy.
Unfortunately, the reserved blood in blood bank was expired (since no new order for it for past 3 days).
A senior doctor attended the patient after being informed by junior doctors in ward, and after knowing that no immediate blood can be transfused to patient, he scolded the junior doctors: " No patient can die due to upper gastrointestinal bleed during my oncall. If this happen, i will give u a slap."
The junior doctors are so shocked to hear this (at least i am stunned at that moment)............what make a nice looking gentleman doctor to say such low EQ statement??? Is he born to have low EQ, or the working environment make him so???
Why is always junior doctors at fault?? Instead, the staff nurses have the responsibility to remind the doctors to keep blood in reserved in blood bank everyday, or call up blood bank to confirm the availability of blood daily.
Dear all senior doctors,
If problem occurs, please don't hesitate to teach us or even scold us (using better words) before give us a slap on the face.......the slap might be remembered forever, instead of the mistake done, and as a consequence, the true lesson is not learned.
Together we serve for our community and improve our EQ level...cheers to doctors!!!!

A Special Test from God

Never can imagine this will happen on me......
i admit that i m a Type A personality person, but never know that the feeling of anxiousness can be so severe.
Out of sudden, the feeling of fear and restlessness flooded me. Feel like want to run away but don't know where should i go.........could not focus and control my mind, and a bit of chest tightness.
I checked my pulse rate: ranged from 80 to 90bpm, i am not sweating or trembling...............what happen to me???
Unable to stand and sit still, but walking aimlessly in red zone (my working place). Cases flooded in, and it is indeed a busy night shift. I told myself to be focus on my patients but my soul is flying out of my body.
'I think i m too tired' i mumbled to myself.
Trying my best to shrug off the anxious feeling but to no avail. I can't remember how i survive through the whole night shift and rushed back to my room the second morning. Rejected all the invitations for breakfast, i lied on my bed and forced myself to sleep......................
Few hours later, after awakened from sleep, felt much better. I convinced myself that i have that weird feeling because i m too tired.
Happy enough to enjoy my post 2 night-shift day, i went for a movie with friends. Half way watching the movie, the strange feeling attacked me again.............i felt very agitated, almost wanted to walk away from my seat. I tried to concentrate on the movie but i m not enjoying the movie at all. I m moving restlessly on my seat, and my friend asked me whether i felt cold...........
Keep looking at the watch, i prayed that the movie can finish faster. After 2 hours, it finished and i have no mood to chat with my friend.........i just want to go back faster.................the story does not end here, but i m not going to elaborate anymore.
All these feelings are abnormal and i knew what i should do with it.
God is giving me a mesaage. It is time for me to think what i want in my life..........to slow down my pace of living, to let go when it is supposed to be let go.

等。。。。。。。

等，是一种煎熬。
等一个可能永远等不到的人，更是痛苦。
每天自我安慰，这一切都是错觉，不可能发生的。
不敢往前走，反而向后退。
我不是存心要拒绝你，只是深怕掉入你无心佈的陷阱里。
你是否能了解我忐忑不安的心情？？

Emergency meeting??? Something that i couldn't tell HOD

HOD held an emergency meeting with all housemen at 10pm two days ago.....yea, it is 10 pm, not 10am. What is so emergency here??

Someone wrote an anonymous letter to HOD and hospital director complaining nurses not doing their job.....and our 'smart' HOD pointed the finger towards house officers.

He said:" I am sure this is written by housemen."

Well, we are being accused without any evidence and the pity situation is we can't fight back. 'BOSS is always RIGHT'

Then, seems like a brainstorming session to solve the issue. HOD wanted us to voice out our opinion, and it turned out to be HO took turn to tell HOD regarding their encounter with some lazy or irresponsible nurses.

HOD seems to understand at the beginning (my delusion), but at the end, he concluded that housemen must do all the job including the nurses job.

I knew that there was no job scope between HO n nurses job and hard to get a line between it in A and E department.

But we already helped to do ECG, take vital signs, set line, take blood, give medications everyday at work. I thought we are helping the nurses and medical assistants to do all these, but now, according to HOD, these are our job and nurses are actually helping us..........???!!!! Then, they are trained for what, or ask them to sit at counter and get paid for nothing??

Boss, please be more fair to us, we are part of ur 'family' (as mentioned by boss). Don't pretend to listen to us.......but u are listening to your nurses only. Anyway, though i never read that complaint letter, i m sure some of the points are true.

Don't say that we are more lucky if compared to your time as a HO when there were more job than ours. Our world is improving and time has changed everything.........i am sure the nurses during your HO time were more efficient than the nurses nowadays (this is quoted from a retired nurse that i saw in gynae clinic 2 mths ago). We will be glad and grateful if you can say that HO, nurses and MAs must play their role and fulfill own responsibilties instead of putting all the tasks on us, bear in mind, we still have to clerk cases and learn to manage patients.

If You Are The One

好几年前，在百货市场看到了一个fridge magnet， 有一些可爱的图案和一句话：One of four people are unbalanced, think of three friends， if they seem OK, then you're the one.

我英文不太好，不明白那句话的意思，请教了身边的朋友，原来意思就是“你觉得和三位朋友相处的不好，想想那三位朋友，如果他们都没什么，那问题就出在你的身上。”

那一刻，觉得这句话很有意思，就把它买了下来。

人有时就是这样，出了问题后，就会把矛头指向别人。 很少人会静下来，想一想：问题到底在哪里？
在你想向人发脾气时，试试停顿一下，他这样说或做，是否有其他意思？
是不是自己有那里不好，让他这样对待我？
当你和朋友之间出了问题，一味的说他的不是。。。。。根本就是最差的表达方式。没能解决问题，还会让你们的关系一直恶化下去。“If he seems OK, then you are the ONE" 如果他成天都不想和你争论下去，是时候反省了，因为有问题的可能是你！！你觉得你自己对他很好，但不代表他觉得自在。可能他有他想要的相处方式，不一定要跟着你的步伐走。 你。。。。是否忽略了他的感受？？
有时，在适当的时候保持沉默，不代表你在逃避问题，只是给自己冷静的空间，不做伤害对方的事或说出伤害对方的话。在忍耐的时候会很痛苦， 不过当你想通了的时候，你会很庆幸你和他依然是好朋友。
本人不是什么人生道理专家， 只是将自己的想法和经验说出来， 和大家分享。 人际关系，是很复杂的东西，我们一辈子都学不完。。。。。

28.01.10

28.01.10 The day that i would never forget.
When a nice fine day turned out to be the most unlucky day at the very last moment.
It was my off day for this week (A and E dept HO entitled one day off per week). I was in a very good mood.
In the morning, i ate breakfast with my frens, then cleaned and tidied my room.....felt so satisfied when everything is in order.
Afternoon time, ate dimsum with another two frens who were also as free as me. Although it looked very weird to eat dimsum at noon, i enjoyed it very much. The delicious lunch was followed by my favourite pastime, shopping.
Then, there comes my fitness plan for this few mths......jogging.
My prayer worked as the weather is just nice for jogging in DR park in the evening. Exercising with a few good friends is good for your health and also an ideal way of closer bonding among friends.
After dinner, i was excited to have an outing again since i am doing night shift the next day, which means i still have one more day to rest.
But while we were happily walking back to my fren's car after drinking tea in a famous cafe somewhere in Ipoh, my handbag was snatched suddenly!!!! It happened so fast that i could not figure out what happenned.
When i turned my head around after a few seconds, i saw two motorcyclists with one of them holding my bag, riding a motorbike speeding away from me. The bike was few metres away and i was unable to see the plate number........seems like it was covered. None of my friends noticed the incident because everyone is going to get into the car. I was not hurt at all and still standing 'safely' besides the car.
At that moment, i could only come out with soft cry "My handbag........" while looking at the snatch thief fleeing away.
I have my handphone, my beloved "Elle" purse, cash rm140, credit cards and ATM cards, room keys and car keys in it................
So, guess everyone knows what to do next........
My friends lend me their handphone to call home (informed my parents that i was safe but my phone was not with me, so don't get cheated if someone call them using my phone.), called up bank to block the usage of ATM cards and credit cards. Then, made police report.........
When everything was settled, it was almost 1am. Felt so depressed because i could not get into my room in hostel as my keys was inside the bag. Luckily one of my colleague was doing night shift and i was able to rest in her room for a night while waiting for my roomate to come back the next day from KL.
If anyone asked me what was my feeling since the incident, i would say that i was not depressed by losing my belongings.......but felt sorry to trouble my friends that accompanied me to make police report, brought me to JPN to get a new IC, JPJ for a new license, get a new SIMcard for handphone.
I was lucky that it was their off day, so that they can drive me to settle all those stuff but was unlucky for them becos half day was spent with me.
Thanx to tan, koay and wong for accompanying me to police station, JPN and JPJ. Felt so secure with u all.
Thanx to ting for ur nice sleeping shirt, towel and a collared t-shirt for me to take photo for my new IC.
Thanx to Azila for allowing me to sleep on her bed, hahaha
Thanx to Lou for offering ur room to rest.
Thanx to koay for ur toothbrush, ur precious time, and ur offer to use ur extra handphone.
Thanx to tan kc for lending me ur extra handphone, ur extra wallet and it was just lucky that you are there to lead the way to JPN..........and trust me, the breakfast at ur hometown is not bad.
All those help sounds like a petty minor stuff. But when u do not have anything with u, not even a sen, unable to enter ur room, all these offers make a great difference and bring warm to ur heart.
For those frens that i forgot to mention, i want to express my gratitude for ur care and offer.
It is really very troublesome to get replacement for ur important documents and cards.........so lesson to learn: beware of ur belongings esp for females walking by the roadside, ur bag can be snatched very easily by those 'professional' snatch thief. It was not always safe eventhough u r with a group of frens.

Off day.........What is in MY MIND???

Since joining Accident and Emergency department, i never feel that i am a houseman.

There are three reasons why i am feeling so:

1) I am staff nurse, JM, PPK, MA in my department >>> not only clerking case, but also do ECG, give medication, put up IV drip, take vital signs.


2) I was treated like a kid, (as were other HOs) by our boss>> must obey his command........just hope to tell him that "Boss, i know how to behave myself."

3) The shift (or flexi hour) working time---- could not adapt to the interrupted sleeping hours yet, esp after the new rules come out (to do ambulance calls post nite)

When u pay a very high expectation on something, it tends to let u down......i guess everyone understands this very well. Yet, i feel depressed when this new working environement dissapointed me.

I tried hard not to complain, but keeping quiet is actually a way of running away from problem..........this is what i learn after one year of Housemanship.

Some say that i have become more agrressive if compared to one year ago, but to my relieve, some praise that i became more mature and brave to fight back if there is unfair issue.....huh?? i looked like a coward when i first join the work force, is it??

No matter what happened, no matter how our superiors treat us, no matter what KKM going to do to us (either to extend our service longer, stop paying our COLA, or just give us RM500 as bonus at end of the year), we still need to WORK, and SLEEP, and EAT. We still pray for simple things everyday........less new cases during our oncalls (means less people fall sick.........we are very kind, right?? hehe), can have more leaves or off days (so that we can recharge our energy in order to service for the mankind.....lame) and last but not least, won't make any great mistakes and cause harm to our patients.

她，还是走了

她，还是走了........

她被推进来的时候，喘得很，抽了几次ABG，给了氧气，她慢慢的有了好转，可是她还是看起来随时会collapse，MO决定插喉管.......

本来想自告奋勇要插，可是眼见病人的情况不允许任何怠慢，就让MO来做。

满容易的，喉管顺利插进，她的心跳却慢了，即时为她做心脏复苏，心跳恢复正常。

可是她的手脚冰冷，身体的氧气没法被探测器探测到，我们一直在她的身边守着她，BAGGING，帮她取暖........然后，她的心跳再次慢了，我们再急救........恢复正常了一会儿，正当我们准备送她上病房，她的心跳停止了，我真的很希望她可以撑得住，因为她其实没那么严重的。

急救了快半个小时,希望破灭了，她已经离开了........
看着她, 一直问自己, 之前做的都是多余的吗??!!?

为什么？？ 到底哪里出错？？

看着她的老伴，觉得很心酸。那位老公公显得很平静,他已经预料到了吗? 还是一时无法接受??

或者, 我不应该这么执著, 可能她已经是时候该走了.........老婆婆, 请一路走好..........

生日快乐

今天是一月一号，我照常上班。

急症室来了一位患上末期癌症的病人，因为积水造成全身水肿，肚子胀得令她呼吸困难。

我问了她叫什么名字和年龄，她说忘了自己几岁， 我转身问了她的儿子，他的儿子说：今天刚满六十四岁。

我看了看病人的身份证，她的生日真的是今天。

那一刻，很想祝贺她生日快乐， 可是看见她辛苦的样子，就把想说的话吞回肚子里了，当时真的很替她难过，生日当天竟然在医院过，而且还是很痛苦的样子。可是， 现在回想起来，以她的病情，可以活到今天，可能已经是不幸中的大幸了， 所以想对这位老婆婆说声：“生日快乐！”